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Hi Ladies,
Last night was horrible for me. I feel emotionally exhausted. I jut broke down and cried last night. It all started when my husband came home and asked me who left the porch light on. I can’t explain to you how he said it but I think he assumed I forgot to turn it off the night before. You see I forget lots of things. At that moment, I realized my husband cannot trust me. He can’t trust me to do and remember simple things. He can’t trust me as in Proverbs 31:11.I feel like such a failure. I feel so alone in my homemaking endeavors. I’m so glad for this course knowing I am not the only one struggling with this.
Forgive me if this is not uplifting but maybe there is someone who is having a hard time too. You are not alone.
In Christ,
Stephanie -
Dear Stephanie,
I wish I could give you a hug right now. You are not a failure & doing this course proves that! You are doing all you can to be the very best homemaker possible.I also strive so hard to be like the Proverbs 31 woman & too often I miss the mark. I really try to be a submissive wife & I struggle in letting my hubby lead. I am a typical type A personality, eldest child so this is really, really hard for me!
Homemaking is something that I am forever trying to get better at. It is so lovely having this group & knowing that we are not alone on our homemaking journey. Please know that I am praying for you & the other ladies in this group!
Blessings
Renata:) -
Stephanie, you are definitely not alone! I completely understand what you have said! My hubby will say something about something I have forgotten or didn’t end up doing as well as I normally would, and I feel like the wind is taken right out of my sails. I feel like, the world is coming down around me (kids issues, housework piling up from being sick or having been on a trip or something, projects going on, meals made, kids bathed, schooled, etc.), and…this…is what he notices? Not alllllll the work I’ve been doing? Not the physical and emotional struggles I’ve being going through? I know if I was running a well oiled machine perhaps it wouldn’t make me feel like this, but he would still be unhappy with something and he doesn’t realize how deeply I take it. I am working on fixing things around the home with this course, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone in feeling discouraged by the words of your husband. All I can think of for advice is, we can only examine ourselves, work on what needs worked on, give ourselves grace and not beat ourselves up for not being 100% superwoman right out of the gate, and pray for our husbands to have softened hearts and some empathy, or whatever they are needing, all while humbly praying that we would do the same for him. Sometimes, it seems that my husband will make those comments more often when he is being neglected. When things are crazy around the house, AND I’m not attentive to him and what is going on in his life. I think sometimes he probably feels like since we had kids, he has lost his wife. He may be right. Anyway, not sure if that is helpful or even correct, but just some thoughts that came to mine. Hopefully some wiser ladies will chime in here, and I can learn too! I am in the same boat! :). Hang in there! Oh, and also, don’t forget to take care of yourself physically! I know myself, I am physically run down and exhausted, and am trying to do things to just feel better and get healthier. Pursuing a possible thyroid condition as well. Don’t be afraid to take care of yourself. A hot bath, a homemade facial, some relaxing music, or some quiet time, it can do wonders for one’s spirit after working all day in the trenches! P.s. One last thought (or was that the 7th last thought, lol), if you can think of your husband as a fellow heir, as someone like yourself, with struggles that you are not seeing, and being attacked in spiritual warfare that you cannot see, and that he may not be sharing with you, then it makes it easier to let those little comments roll off your back, and feel compassion for the man who is working hard out in the world, that is carrying it quietly alone. Ugh! When I think of that, it makes me soften towards him right away, and not take it personal. You guys are in this “war” together! And the prize at the end is so worth it! (Sorry for being long winded).
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We are not all organised and naturally systematic. I’m not… I have to work very hard to remember stuff and in certain stressful seasons I was incredibly unreliable! One thing iI have learned is that I need to focus on what I bring to the table. My hubby didn’t marry a super organised high achiever who would be naturally good at housekeeping.. He married me, a random spontaneous people focused individual. After more than ten years of despair and a major failure complex when it comes to homemaking I am finally getting it. I don’t have to be perfect. And neither do you. Our hubbies are not perfect individuals and neither are we. But we are created in the image of God and he has blessed you with the exact combinations of personality and gifting that your family needs… Anything else…. Well it’s God who is our gap filler. My prayer for you is that you would see your value. Your heart is in the right place… You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t trying to serve your family. He may not be able to trust you with the porch light and that is ok…its just a porch light and he is trusting you with so much more that doesn’t get acknowledged. My hubby can’t trust me to keep the kitchen rubbish bin area.tidy. I now empty that bin as it was just too stressful for him. We laugh about it now but we have figured out how to make it less of an issue. And I am trying. It’s just one thing I find hard to remember. When we had three babies three and under we were lucky to survive. I struggled with so much. But in the end I kept giving my all.
You are not a machine, you are a beautiful, caring, God-fearing mother who is giving so much for her family. God looks on you with love, Grace and absolutely no condemnation. It is Satan who is an accuser. Don’t Listen to him. With love. Cath -
Thank you Renata, Emmy and Cath,
You have helped me to put it all in perspective. I am feeling much better but at that moment it did feel as if the world was coming down around me. Thank you for sharing with me that it is not perfect in your home. I find when I speak to my friends they don’t seem to value homemaking in the way that I do. It is something they have to do and can’t wait for it to be over or they are naturally organized and have everything together. I don’t know if you all feel lonely in this quest to keep your home, but I do and have been searching for a Titus 2 woman to come along beside me. Thank you again for the encouraging words and being my Titus 2 women to help me. What a blessing this course is! I never thought that one of the best parts would be the support and fellowship!
Love In Christ,
Stephanie -
Dear stephanie,
Those times are so hard, and so crushing.
When something like that has happened here, I pray and ask the LORD what to do and to help me respond the right way.Then I go to my husband and we talk about it. They are called to live with us in understanding and I believe it isn’t right to not let them know sometimes how specific comments have affected us.
Psalm 46:1 (KJV) God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble
I pray for the LORD’s grace in your home and wisdom and blessing.
You’re not alone!
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I would say Stephanie, that I would agree that it has been a lonely journey. In our culture, women are looked down on for wanting to stay home, and if you decide to educate your own children, well then you are mocked and looked down on even more by so many, including family. I have been alone most of my adult life, despite being married and having worked outside the home before having kids. But God led us to a wonderful church where I have a dear friend who has kids in similar age to mine, homeschools, and is a serious Titus 2 woman! She is 7 years younger than me!!! I have other mom friends at church, but they think it is crazy to have so many kids (we have 3, lol!) and want to stay home to teach them. It’s just our culture. I was raised with that same mindset. It doesn’t hurt my feelings, but it does make me feel lonely. And what is worse, I have noticed how far my resolve has fallen since my first was born 6 years ago. My resolve has been very slowly eroded away, and I am now struggling to regain the passion I had about it before. My mind and body are so tired, and still find myself lonely. I think we were made to be social creatures, and society today is often so isolating! Especially for those not living near family. Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you that although it can seem like we are alone in this desire to be good homemakers and moms and wives, don’t be dismayed. Our enemy wants us to feel that way. But we are not alone, we just need to keep looking for others, and take advantage of our sisters online as well. In the mean time, you never know who is watching you silently, and taking it all in, and learning from you. A young mom, or an older woman even, and watching your life play out, and deciding that they want the same for themselves. Hang in there! What your enemy doesn’t want you to know is, there ARE many women just like you, who desire to do right, all over the world.
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I don’t think I have had a day that has gone smoothly as far back as I remember. I have struggled with exhaustion and depression for years. I live near family, but they are very critical and leave me feeling like garbage. Last week I discovered that our 8th child is on the way. There are so many things that my husband and I need to improve for our family life to run more smoothly. And I am terrified for relatives to find out. And its so ridiculous. I am 33 years old and married, so our life choices are no one’s business. But my family had never respected me as an adult or respected our boundaries. Sorry for rambling, I am just overall having a hard time with everything.
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Hang in there Nogmamme! We only have 3 but can so relate. If we got pregnant again, we would be fussed at up one ear and down the other. I was told “this better be the last” after my 2nd and 3rd were born. We live far away though, which helps. It hurts when people treat you that way, especially family, but they just don’t know any better is all I can figure. They are the ones who are kind of sad, not knowing that each human being is a joy and no surprise to the God that made him/her. Let me say, I am so happy for you my dear! Congratulations on another sweet, precious love! Try to take it easy, and don’t fret. I say that as someone who struggles and fails regularly at not fretting. How many times though does God tell us in His word, to “fear not”? Lots! So many women and men are coming out of being raised by a generation or two that did not prepare us for family life the way it ought to be. But we are starting to wake up now, across the world! We have a learning curve as homemakers, wives, husbands, etc.! Take heart! You are not alone, and you have a good desire! And that is to get this right! Now for some grace, dear one! Grace for yourself. God has already given it to us, but we have to stop being so hard on ourselves and accept it. You are working on things! This is wonderful! Keep going! Stay in the Word, and pray, pray, pray! We are cheering for you! Feel free to email me if you just need someone to talk to! Emmysimpson@aol.com. (Anyone is welcome do to the same!) We are in the Atlanta, GA area.
Praying for you guys! -
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Forgive me ladies for not responding sooner. Yesterday was so busy. Nogmamme, Congratulations! Praise God he has blessed you with another child. I have been praying for God to give you peace. I have never felt that I have it all together but I know I have improved as a homemaker from when I first got married. I’m sure it is the same for you.
By the way, last night I left the router box on for the tv and my husband said I like to waste electricity. It made me upset when my son told me this morning but I just had to give myself grace that I won’t remember to do everything all the time. Plus yesterday was such a tough day for me.
Thanks for all your encouragement!
Stephanie -
Hi I live in the UK and homemakers are frowned upon. I home educator and homemaker. Our pastor actually visited us and advised me to send my children to school so I could go out to work. I never sent them. So they reported us to the education authority who were thrilled with what we were doing. We don’t go to that church anymore. I have struggled with homemaking and still do. I am in the smallest house I have ever lived in but the good news is we are able to extend this year so hopefully will have extra space. I am always behind and if I do tidy an area I feel no one notices. I would have loved more children but I nearly died after Joel who is now 21 so I was advised not to, so only got three. But am blessed to have them and now have 5 grandchildren. I feel useless sometimes as I wish I had access to a course or something like this year’s ago when my children were small. I sometimes feel I wasn’t very good at homemaking and this maybe affected my husband. He is very patient and just used to help me catch up if I got in a mess or behind. I often feel alone and a total failure too. I don’t know anyone who values homemaking.
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I have been struggling with my homemaking and signed up for this course to get me on the right track. I did well with my homemaking until the last several years after I had my third baby , we now have four children and my home is always a mess and I am also behind in everything. I am thankful for this course and forum. My eyes have been opened to the fact that I really just need to simplify and totally cut out the distractions, even if they seem worthwhile to me. Every day I have been having to go over where I have wasted time and to think of what to cut out. I am realizing that my children need to be my main focus (as well as my husband and God) and that everything else that I enjoy but are distracting has to wait until a different season in my life or if I happen to have leftover time.
One hard thing for me is that we have family who are able to keep up on their homemaking and yet seem to be able to do a ton of things, but I am realizing now that I cannot do this. -
Congratulations Nogmamme!! I adore big families & think you are abundantly blessed to be able to have eight. We would have loved more ( & still would), but the Lord has not allowed us this blessing yet.
As for feeling alone – I think that is the hardest part of this life. While I am actually surrounded by women who do choose to stay at home (this is a farming community), we are the only people around who homeschool all our children (one lady does one of hers) & no one understands that choice we have made. I feel lonely often & very misunderstood. I tend to stay quiet & get people to talk about themselves because I would never want to share this with the people around. I was blaming the loneliness on the isolation, but I wonder if it’s more because we are choosing something different from the ‘norm’?
Thank you all for sharing your stories. I feel a little less alone 🙂
Renata 🙂 -
Hi Renata, i frel like that too. I have had to search far and wide to find other homeschooling Christian parents i can relate to. It’s just not a common choice in Australia or new Zealand. For. A long time i felt really alone. All my previous friends were either defensive or doubtful. Its only been in the last year that i have started to find people.. one here in my home town, and some others in other towns. They are not always available though so i still feel very alone at times. I totally get it. If you ever feel like you need to connect with someone else in the southern hemisphere who is a Christian homeschooling mum, i would love to chat on messenger. My Facebook name is cath vos. The days can be so long and it can be so very lonely. Hope you have a great Monday.
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